Last week I was sitting across from my nail tech (check her
out, @nailzbynisey) and I was on the phone with a friend. She was telling my
about her son who is acting out. And the week before, I sat in that same chair
listening to my cousin who was having trouble with her teenage daughter who had
been acting out. Nisey looked at me and said, “So are you the child whisperer?”
I laughed.
Apparently, there’s some truth to her words. After thinking
about it, I’ve been having several conversations about children and their
relationship with their parents. Specifically, with their mothers. Here’s why.
Several years ago, a couple weeks before my 23rd birthday, my mother
and I got into the biggest fight of my life. Mind you, I was always a pretty
quiet and respectful child. I did whatever my mother asked and when she asked.
Then I got grown. Or at least I thought I was. I had a car, a car note, a pretty
decent job for someone my age and I didn’t have a single bill to pay. Yet, I have NO clue what independence was.
Well, somewhere in all of my “independence” I forgot that my
mother had given me the privilege to live this way. She was tired of it. She
sent me on my way. I won’t get into details but just know that it wasn’t that
simple. There were a lot more words involved and when I left I had no
intentions of returning. And if I did, she wasn’t going to open the door. We
had both gone too far to return.
I spent a year apart
from her. I lived with my friend, my sister, and then rented an apartment with a
roommate. I cried so many nights. I missed my mommy. I was POOR LOL. All the
time! However, in that time, I learned what true independence meant. I was
cooking, cleaning, working, and tired. All the time! I was ADULTING. And I fell
in love with it.
About a year later, my mother and I reconciled. I can’t tell
you the exact moment that it happened but I know our love was different. She
respected me. And I appreciate her. Over that year of us not speaking I
remember wondering if we would ever speak again and how I was supposed to move
forward. That had to be the hardest year ever. Not just because we were
estranged but because in my toughest times I couldn’t lean back on her. I will
never let that happen again.
All of this to say, for some reason, reconciliation between
parents and children has become a part of my life. I’ve never been quiet about
my story and people have been listening. I want to be a constant reminder that
sometimes we just don’t have to go out like that. Sometimes we can stop before
the line is crossed. And don’t get me wrong, some child/parent relationships
are unhealthy and need to be cut off. But before you decide that you have a bad
parent, stop and think. We are too old at this point to still be trying to
outgrow our childhood. So, your mother/father was not perfect. No one is. And when
and if you have children, they’ll have some of the same complaints. You don’t
know what a bad parent is, unless you have a bad parent.
So thank you mom. This one is for you.
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