Defining Life

So I was reading a blog by an anonymous blogger and it really touched my heart. Make sure you check it out ( https://churchwifeconfessions.wordpress.com/ ). “I think there is a point when we lose focus about what serving and ministry is. Ministry can be making Americano’s at 4am to put yourself through school. Ministry can be cleaning the dishes after dinner so your husband can get some homework done.” My second year in bible college was a painful year. I had done horrible the three previous semesters that I lost my financial aid and I was two seconds from being kicked out. I remember telling my friends in a text message and one responded saying: “Babe, God is going to do something to rock your world. It's going to be so big that no one else will be able to credit for it.” Here’s the thing, I didn’t deserve a miracle from God. My grades were poor because I neglected all of my assignments. I was ultra lazy. But how often does God give us exactly what we deserve? An admi...

“God ordered your steps. All you have to do is take a step.” Let me tell you about this one time that I got real comfortable and almost passed up on what I had been praying for. So here I am, finally finished with my undergrad after being tossed around for almost two years after my expected graduation date. Ok, maybe it wasn’t all to blame on the school. Some of it was my fault. My laziness. My comfort. My complacency. OK...more than some. Most. But anyway, thats not important. here’s what is… Aramark at Catholic University has been a HUGE blessing in my life. When my school closed back in 2012 I got a part time job at Payless and months later, that store closed as well. I had worked for Aramark throughout high school and my first semester in college. When Payless shut it’s doors, Aramark opened theirs. They actually created a position for me. Yes. A blessing from God. Plus, CUA is home for me. I had no issue transitioning. But at the same time, this was a job. No my career...

I have this crazy obsession with strength. Physical. Mental. Emotional. And when I say obsession I mean, addiction. This true kind. The kind that frowns upon any form of weakness. Maybe it’s because as a child I found myself in many helpless situations. And I won’t go into detail but I have a story that is typical. The story of a girl raised by a single “sometimes-working-a-double-to-feed-me” mom and somewhat by a fairytale stepdad and absent birth father. People coming in and out of my life and in and out of my house. There wasn’t a lot of protection surrounding me. Anyway…that’s why as an adult, strength has become my main focus. Physical. I’ll lift anything on my own. If I see anyone carrying anything and it seems that they are struggling I will take it. I'll hold doors for the person in from of me with 2 bags while I carry 5 bags. I never ever ask for help. The few times that I have had to move, I never asked for help. That was dumb. I was sore every single time. Bu...

“It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop.” – Confucius Sometime last year, maybe in August, I had pink eye. It was really really bad. At first, I thought it was allergies. Suddenly, I could barely see out of my right eye. It was so bad that I had a fever of 110 and after going to the ER and I had to make an appointment almost a week later with the eye doctor. He looked in my eye and said, “well Miss White, you have the Godzilla of pink eye.” He gave me a super strong steroid and told me to stay on it for the month but I would have pink eye for about another 3 weeks. The medication would start working immediately but it could come back or jump to my other eye. I was happy to finally have a diagnosis because my dramatic behind was telling everyone that I was going blind. Whats crazy is, a friend of mine, after hearing my diagnosis said, “you’ll be fine. Just continue to use the eye drops as the doctor said. Your eye will start looking better but stick to th...

“You can’t fight to stay the same and be dedicated to becoming better.” -Sarah Jakes Roberts I’ve been on a journey of complete and utter transformation. Or at least I thought I was. I’ve wanted to change for a really long time. I knew that my life wasn’t great. I was making bad decisions and ruining every good thing. I’ve been destructive. Nevertheless, I’ve wanted to change. Here’s the problem, I’ve also been fighting to stay the same. Have you ever felt like you had two people inside of you? I know we all have seen the visual of the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other. It’s usually comical. But have you ever felt the severity of that same fight but only its inside of you? For so long I couldn’t articulate the struggle that’s been happening in my life. But today its clear. Shadowboxing. I’ve been shadowboxing . I’ve been living under my own rules and I’ve been “solely” dedicated to living God’s word. Am I completely psycho? I have to be. I’ve been deceiving my...

Man. I struggled in 2014. And I’m not sure what happened. When the year started off, I was on a roll. I was knocking down goal after goal. Smiling every single day and moving mountains with a mustard seed of faith. But by the end of the year I was barely making it. There were days where all I was doing was waking up and remembering to breathe. No way to live. But it was the only way I could live. Have you ever experienced anything like that? Where it just seemed like all you were doing was making it to the next moment by the skin of your teeth. Like every night that you make it through is surprising. That was me in November. November was like the month from hell. Like satan literally sat in his lair and conjured up November just for me. I counted the days. I was down and couldn’t see my way out. And I wish I could share some “aha” moment with you as if one day I woke up and it was all clear. But that would be fabricated. Truthfully, December was just as bad. Surprisingly, I ...

I have a bone to pick and it’s with the church. The church...not the building where people come to worship, but the people within that building and every building across the nation. What is wrong with us? Where is the disconnect between Christ, who is the SON, loving us while we were YET in our sin and us tearing each other down and turning each other away because we don’t agree with our neighbors appetite for sin . Yes, we all have our own appetites. That’s for another blog. Saved or not, almost every person living can quote John 3:16 without hesitation . “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that WHOSOEVER believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” It breaks my heart that we speak these words so freely and “with conviction” yet there's no conviction in sight when we blatantly stare at someone who enters the building but does not look the same. As if your long skirt, turtle neck(in the summer -time), and black flats hides what God se...