I Wish Us Well

“You used to share everything. There wasn’t a crevice of her life you weren’t privy to, and the same went for yours.”…” One day it changed. The once welcomed sarcasm became annoying.”

As I was driving home last night a friend sent me the most eye-opening blog post I’ve ever read in my life. It was as if it was tailored to me. While she was sending it to me in reference to her life, I sat quietly in my car “amening” every sentence. Disclaimer: I did not read it while I was driving. Please do not text and drive. Anyway, I have no clue who published this but whomever he or she may be, they spoke to my spirit in this piece. Please bear with me while I relate.

 “In the absence of a judge or jury we approach the dissolution of friendships with complete finality. There is no room for error or growth. We grew into big girls who still managed to treat our girls and the emotions they invoke, like little girls.”

In my personal experience, and I’ll be completely transparent, I have always thought of myself as the most destructive when it came to any form of relationship. Whether it be with a boy who I changed myself for or a family member who I took for granted. Yet, when it came to friendships…wow. I have the innate capability of taking an ax to them with an inability to stop. And they ALWAYS end in a nightmare.

Don’t get me wrong, I have some healthy relationships. Like with Katie, Mary and Janelle. We have something that will last forever. Or with Vanessa who knew me before I discovered what heels and makeup were. And with my friend Sharval who is more like a sister. My mother says she loves our relationship because through the years and our growth we’ve stayed the same to one another no matter what.

However, I have had at least four friendships that began a dream and ended in a nightmare. I’ve always chalked it up to me being difficult and unworthy. I never knew there were other people in the world experiencing the same. I often think, what if things ended better? Like “what if we didn’t have to end in confusion + a need to go out swinging, even if we were both loud and wrong?”

Now, this post didn’t give me a desire to go rekindle or rectify past situations. But it made me look at things differently. The author says, “We as women are inherently more harsh on each other than we will ever be on men. I expect you to know better, thus expecting you to do better. But what if you can’t do better? What if you did the best you could for exactly who you are and deserved to be loved anyway? What if there is a part of you that I was not made aware of, silently impacting your every move?”

As I sat in my car and let my blasting music fade into the background, I was faced with myself.  I thought, if I had to do it all over, I would let people be people. Now this is a life mantra of mine; to accept folks for who they are and either love them or leave them. However, I’ve never done that for myself. I never came to grips with that fact that  I am a lover. I am a hugger. I am sweet. I am a giver. I am TOO open and thus TOO honest. And because was so uncomfortable with me, I made others uncomfortable as well. I went out swinging against these four friends at different times yet I was really swinging at myself.

While this article calls forward the broken friendships and leads the way to mending those, I hear something a bit different. I hear Katie, Mary, Janelle, Vanessa and Sharval. I hear the strong relationships that I have held onto. I hear the acceptance because these girls know me inside and out. I’ve grown each time I’ve lost s a friend. And while I truly miss them, I know it was a learning experience. And although I wish the end happened differently, time and distance created too much space and we can’t go backwards. I wish us well.

LADIES: Please check out this post when you have a chance. You won't regret it. http://20sfor20s.com/2017/05/breaking-up-is-hard-to-do/