Defining Life

Man. I struggled in 2014. And I’m not sure what happened. When the year started off, I was on a roll. I was knocking down goal after goal. Smiling every single day and moving mountains with a mustard seed of faith. But by the end of the year I was barely making it. There were days where all I was doing was waking up and remembering to breathe. No way to live. But it was the only way I could live. Have you ever experienced anything like that? Where it just seemed like all you were doing was making it to the next moment by the skin of your teeth. Like every night that you make it through is surprising. That was me in November. November was like the month from hell. Like satan literally sat in his lair and conjured up November just for me. I counted the days. I was down and couldn’t see my way out. And I wish I could share some “aha” moment with you as if one day I woke up and it was all clear. But that would be fabricated. Truthfully, December was just as bad. Surprisingly, I ...

I have a bone to pick and it’s with the church. The church...not the building where people come to worship, but the people within that building and every building across the nation. What is wrong with us? Where is the disconnect between Christ, who is the SON, loving us while we were YET in our sin and us tearing each other down and turning each other away because we don’t agree with our neighbors appetite for sin . Yes, we all have our own appetites. That’s for another blog. Saved or not, almost every person living can quote John 3:16 without hesitation . “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that WHOSOEVER believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” It breaks my heart that we speak these words so freely and “with conviction” yet there's no conviction in sight when we blatantly stare at someone who enters the building but does not look the same. As if your long skirt, turtle neck(in the summer -time), and black flats hides what God se...

"Do you trust yourself enough, have enough self-worth to believe that someone would be with you if you don't make them do it?" -Dr. Phil As time progresses, my blog is becoming more and more personal. So as I was considering this post, I got a little scared. I started wondering what you guys would think of me. What would people be saying behind my back? How will they start to look at me? How badly will I be talked about? And then, it became more and more clear that I needed to write this. And the reason is simple. I am a control freak. I mean, even in my hesitation to write this, I was being controlling. Because if I could, I would control how you receive everything I am writing. You see, I’ve learned in my 25 years on this earth that exposing your battles, makes fighting them easier. Think about it, how hard would it be for Mayweather and Pacquiao to box is the venue was black. No lights. All they know is someone is across from them trying to rip their head of...

Dear You, I know the last two years have been a journey for you. It was like every time you got it together, life sat another mountain in your path. I've stood by your side as you lost friends that promised to stand by you. You cried on my shoulder wondering what was wrong with you and what you could've done to deserve so much pain. But I watched you triumphantly overcome in spite of. You may not see your strength now,  but I witnessed you live through things that I would have cowered at. You're a survivor . How can you not see that? How can you let people turn what God has given you into a burden? You're a good person. You show up. You take care of those you love.  How dare you ever let anyone turn your heart cold. I know it gets hard and I know you feel worn out. So rest as needed and keep going... even when you can’t. Wake up everyday and smile. Even if you slept in your tears, push though. Never give up on you. Fight for you . You fight for everyone else,...

“God doesn’t want us to be shy with his gifts, but bold and loving and sensible.” I read this article years ago. I think I was in high school. This guy goes to two classrooms. One is a lecture room at a college. He says to the freshman students, “how many of you can paint?” A few raise their hands. Then he asks, “how many of you can sing?” One raises her hand but accompanies it by saying “I’m ok. Not really that great.” Then he asks, “How many of you can act?” Another few students raise their hands but for the most part, the lecture hall filled with students was silent. So then he goes to the other classroom. This is an elementary class filled with kindergarten students. He poses the same questions and with each question almost every student raises their hand excitedly. Why am I sharing this story? Between kindergarten and college, something changed in these students. Something changes in all of us as we grow. In some ways reality sets in. No one can be good at everything. ...

Exodus 20:12 Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee. I've struggled with this verse all my life. Not that my parents were not worthy of being honored, but if they were not being honorable, how is it that my days would be shortened? How can their transgressions against me, fall on me? Why would God be so unfair? And of course, if you know me, you know that my parents were not always honorable. They did me wrong. They hurt me. They neglected me and provoked me. Still, knowing this verse, I rolled my eyes at the thought of honoring them. I basically said, “SHORTEN MY DAYS LORD! I CAN’T RESPECT THEM.” And I didn't. I spoke to them however I chose and every chance I had, I told someone how terrible they were. Yet, I loved them. I love them. I came to a point where I felt that no one could truly understand what my parents had put me through. Then I thought...at least my parent didn't send me to th...

The last 12 months of my life have been ridiculously overwhelming in every single way possible. I have had 4 mailing addresses in less than 6 months and that alone almost took everything out of me. I even lost friends who promised they’d always be there. So how am I supposed to categorize this year? Should it be the year from hell? Although at times I have called it that, NO! This is “The Defining Year.” God used a year of tragedy for triumph . Everything that was meant for evil was used for my good. In celebration of my 25th birthday I have recorded 25 things that 2014 taught me . 25. Self reliance is the key to a full life. 24. Nothing is ever REALLY THAT BAD. 23. Let time decide the role others play in your life. 22. When in doubt, where pants. Length matters. 21. Be honest with yourself. 20. Love is honest. Lust lies. If it’s real love, honesty comes with it. 19. God gives you everything you need to succeed. He won’t send you where he hasn’t already made ...

In the last two weeks I have been challenged to modify my attire. As I venture on this new journey in life which has me spending a lot of my time with young girls, I have a new responsibility. It’s no longer just about me about what I want to wear. Actually, nothing that I do now is about me. It’s about glorifying God. So….modesty…. Listen, I am so over this argument that modesty is for women only! It’s partially why I rebelled against being modest. It wasn’t until I was recently confronted by a friend on why I felt "showing a little extra skin made me more attractive" that I started to question the truth about modesty. After reading articles and looking up passages I finally asked one of my best friends, who happens to be on my list of the top 3 smartest people I know. Modesty is about not intentionally drawing attention to yourself. That spoke numbers to me. It was simple. It was easy. She made other interesting comments but this was all I needed. It wasn't j...

In the last month the most important thing I have learned is, “honesty is the best policy.” Sure, we are all taught this as children but do we really know what that means? Because I am famous for someone asking if I’m okay and saying yes even if I feel like a train wreck. However, there is an easier route. Example: Friend: Hey Shawntika. Are you okay? You look like something is bothering you. Me: I’m not okay but I’ll be fine. EASY! But no. I normally go the other route. I hold it in hoping that no one will notice but for some reason, expecting that everyone will know. Yea. Like I said. Train wreck. Fortunately, this last month I was challenged to be “rigorously honest” with myself and those around me. Now, there is a thin line between honesty and telling all of your business. I refuse to succumb to the latter. Yet being honest has liberated me. It's also been hard. I have begun to share parts of myself with those closest to me which has left me completely e...

“Love is wanting the absolute best for someone even if it doesn't benefit you.” -Shawntika White For most of my life I have been surrounded by hurting people. I mean, truly bitter people. People who have been so hurt that they've only been capable of hurting others. Somewhere along the line I became a mirror of them. I've never been in any type of relationship with anyone that was generally and genuinely happy. That is until recently. I’m not sure what changed but somewhere along the line God began placing joyful people around me and I began to want what they had. So I did research. I read books, took notes, and finally sat down to put it all together in as few words as possible. I've allowed my experience to overshadow God’s purpose for humanity. We were created with fellowship in mind. Fellowship with God and with one another. The hurt and pain that others had inflicted on me caused me to interpret love negatively. Well, my interpretation was filled with ...